Jubilation

Tue, 12 May 2009 20:58:02 GMT

So I pretty much bombed my multiple choice philosophy final, even though I knew my stuff. Halfway through I got REALLY nervous, and I guess I stopped reading the questions thouroughly. I turned it in and then waited around a while to see it get graded.
When he picked up my test, the teacher said something to the effect of, "I expect that you did well"
The front hald was excellent. One wrong. The back did not turn out so well, I got a C.
My teacher said that he was surprised. He was not pleased.
I'm still waiting to get my grade on the paper, and the take home essay part of my final... There's still a SMALL possibility of getting an A in the course... but realistically, I'm looking at a high B. Damn!

Tuesday Morning

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 19:48:58 GMT

I woke up trying to remember all of the nuances of flavor in raw garlic. This is how I ended up in my kitchen at 7:30 in the morning, peeling said garlic. Then I put in in my mouth, chewed, and swallowed. That was pure, burning torture. I retched, put a couple tablespoons of garlicky bile into the trash, and went on with the day. Next time I'll just stick with Indian food. Or hot wings. Hot wings are good.

Dream

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 19:45:18 GMT

For some reason M and I were going back to our high school... the OLD building, because she was going to prom with her ex boyfriend. She parked in the circle drive, and told me I had to stay there and guard her car while she went to the dance. I was supposed to keep the car SAFE.

I tried to relax after she left, but people kept coming up to the car and wanting me to let them in. They were people I KNEW. People I go to school with now. They were so demanding, and I was helpless. "Okay, come on in," I kept saying, "but you have to leave when my friend gets back."
I thought that soon it'd be okay... but more and more people kept coming, and the car grew to accomodate the new additions. Soon it became as big as a BUS. I kept thinking about how angry M would be, to find all these strange people in her car. And to find that her CAR had become a BUS. But I kept thinking that maybe everything would turn out okay, so long as they left on time. That's when the cops came.

They knocked on my window and demanded to know why there were so many people in the car. I told them that I knew all these people, and that they were waiting for prom to be over and we were just hanging out anyway. Listening to the radio. The cops demanded that I let them in too. So I cried, and woke up.

Shoe Shopping: Now THERE'S a Blow to the Self-Esteem

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 04:25:27 GMT

I am very tall. I don't say this to brag or be rude, it's simply a fact. It's probably the result of thousands of years of Dutch ancestry, or something of the like. Unfortunately, being tall isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sure you can generally reach the top shelf in any given cupboard, and find yourself often being reffered to as "statuesque" or "willowy", but there's also the risk of knocking yourself out on low-hanging light fixtures (this almost actually happened to me once, it was quite painful) and of course getting comments like, "wow, you're really tall" and, "geeze, stop GROWING willya?" several times a day. There are a lot of annoying things about being tall. But the worst of all, for me at least, is the feet.
That's right, the feet. They're HUGE! One of the neat things about being a girl is that you can wear cute shoes without being sniggered at behind your back. Unfortunately, this just isn't possible when you wear a size 11 womens. Gone are the lovely little embellishments and bright colors, gone are the elegant curves and excellent arch support. Once you hit a size ten, you can say goodbye to pretty shoes. Say hello to cross dresser acomidations.
Now, I'm generally pretty secure with my body. But when I walk into a shoe store... it's absolutely miserable. I walk past all those lovely little shoes, and hope that the store even CARRIES my size (usually the cutoff is a 10 or 10.5... which I can manage, if the shoe is backless). After asking around, I sigh and go to the mens side. Which is fine for sneakers and things, but a little ridiculous when you need something to wear to work.
Today I looked at shoes for spring. Because I own only two pairs of shoes that'll work during the warming, muddy season: a pair of clogs that are falling apart, and black pointy-toed sneakers that are technically two sizes too small (it's amazing how much leather can stretch over time). I found a couple of pairs of mens sneakers that might work, but I don't have the money to actually BUY clothes right now. Not really. I went to a thrift store the other day, got a pair of slacks (I needed something to wear to work and/or church until it's warm enough for skirts again) and a sweater. They were practically brand new, and only $9 together. I looked at shoes too when I was their... but didn't see what I needed (something that looks nice enough to pass as corporate casual, but comfortable enough to walk a mile and then spend several hours on my feet).
That's it for now.

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 19:53:00 GMT

Today I have a conference with my English teacher, and I can't get the lyrics to "Suicide is Painless" (the M*A*S*H theme song) out of my head. If that isn't a bad omen, I don't know what is. Today is my last day of classes for this semester (and possibly for this YEAR, if my mother and I can't figure something out). I turned in a term paper for Sociology of Gender, and have the conference later.
I feel okay, I guess. My back and arms sort of hurt, from carrying groceries the other night. I managed to get a full eight hours of sleep last night (for the first time in a while), so that's good. My mom'll be here this coming Sunday, so I have to do some major cleaning. Gaetane works tonight, so I'm babysitting Basil for a couple of hours, until Sean gets home. I finally bought Basilia's Christmas present. A pair of snowboots. Not very exciting, but she already has so many books and toys... she can deal. Maybe I'll buy her a drawing pad too. I'm drawing everyone else Christmas cards... and not expecting many material gifts this year. My mom and I work in retail (furniture and clothing, respectively), Sean sells luxury cars. Nobody's expecting to be able to afford much.
It looks like the economy's going to be bad through most of 2009 in Colorado at least, but I'm at least a little bit optimistic. Obama's planning to put into motion an economic bailout that'll directly help the middle and working classes. If things work out there'll be jobs in energy (making things efficient), construction (schools, rebuilding roads and bridges), and a few other areas. Sean, at least, would be able to find a job :)
I am worried about the next year though... how we're all going to pull through the tough times. Sometimes I worry about the entire world going into recession or depression. I think about my grandparents' stories, about growing up in the aftermath of the Great Depression. they were lucky, they had a farm. Grandpa was one of six children. Five sons, and one daughter. He managed to go to college by joining the army. He was one of the soldiers sent to the Pacific soon after WWII. Grandma was one of... 5 children? She grew up in Minnesota, but her family moved when she was in high school. She taught in a one-room schoolhouse for a while I think, until my grandfather came back from duty. The school board pressured her to quit, since she had a husband to take care of her. Enough... I'm tired. Done writing for now.

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 20:28:11 GMT

Today... is a day.
Last night I went to the store after work, bought $40 worth of groceries... which had BETTER last me the whole week, though I'm not so sure right now. Then this morning was church, and that was pretty cool. A good service... can't wait to bring my mom when she comes to visit, she'll like it a lot. Right now... I don't feel depressed or sad, like a couple of days ago. Just numb, trying to figure out what needs to happen to bring back the joy. To be honest, I think I'm getting sick, physically.
Miss my dad... and my mom. Miss my friends in Iowa, again. And I'm still trying to figure out how to be a real adult... it's hard.
Bought B some snowboots, they'll be her Christmas present. She doesn't have any right now. Thursday was Jamil's birthday, he's 31 now. Man, the age spread between my bros and I seems HUGE right now.
Grandma and Grandpa are going to Hawaii with some friends... and I don't know what the triplets are up to. I'm reading a book Corpe recommended, Shutting out the Sun: How Japan Created Its Own Lost Generation. It's pretty cool.
Now I must be off, have papers to write.

Writer's Block: AIDS Awareness

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 01:37:54 GMT

It's the 20th anniversary of World AIDS Day today. From clean needles to safe sex, the fight against AIDS has touched everyone's life. How has it affected yours?

View 501 Answers

One of my mom's coworkers and best friends is HIV positive. He found out about it eight years ago, when he developed double pneumonia from a slight head cold. Now, he's doing his thing. he goes to work, he hangs out with friends, he takes yoga classes. All of that. It's made it hard for him to have relationships. When guys find out, they sort of back out of any sort of commitment.

As for me PERSONALLY... I'm not sure. I'm not sexually active... but that's mostly because I haven't met anyone I'd actually like to have sex with. For me, there have to be some pretty deep feelings.

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 21:01:28 GMT

So, today I’m supposed to write about the pros and cons of blogging as part of an English class. Unfortunately, I’m not in a very argumentative mood. So, we’ll see what comes out. Blogging is pretty cool, I guess, if it gets people who don’t write to do it more. The only annoying thing about it is that the only credit we’re getting is when we’re writing for other people.
Sometimes I don’t want to do that. Sometimes I don’t want classmates and random strangers to be able to learn what’s going on in my head. It’d be cool if we could have little journals or something, and just get credit for the fact that we ARE writing… on whatever we want, without having to think about who else might see it. I find myself resenting the blog topics that are REQUIRED of us… and loving the ones I can choose myself. Now I’m babbling, because… because life is stressful right now.

Updates on life

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 18:29:04 GMT

I have the lyrics from another Paul Simon song running through my head. It's from the song Can't Run But, on the Rhythm of the Saints album. Here're the lines that stick out the most:

...I had a dream about us
in the bowels and the bones of the night
I felt a pain in my shoulder blade
A pencil point? A love bite...?

...I can't run but
I can walk much faster than this
Can't run but
I can't run but
I can walk much faster than this
Can't run but....

Last night I spoke with my mother on the phone. I learned that she's been ferrying $60 in and out of my savings account in Iowa, to keep from herself from overdrafting. I don't mind... it just feels strange. Strange that even 2 states away, I'm still somehow looking after my mother's financial well being. Still lending her money. She's coming out here in a few weeks though, in order to help me get an ID, and then put me on her Colorado bank account. That'll be better. I can't really live like a real adult without those things. An ID and control over my own money. I want that out of state savings account to be my little nest egg. It's the one that's slowly collecting the college fund from my grandparents.

I talked to Masen, we made a plan for the next time I'm in Iowa (hopefully I'll be able to visit sometime this summer). He and I are going to dress up like Starsky and Hutch and hunt down my father. Masen will be Starsky, because he's brunnette and actually HAS A CAR that he's able to DRIVE. I think this plan pretty much cements the fact that all my friends and I are total DORKS... but it should be nice. :) Turning what could be a really stressful emo time into an adventure. We'll go to all the dive bars in the area of Iowa City my father frequents... technically illegal (don't know what the law is everywhere else, but you can't even ENTER bars when you're under 21 in Iowa... unless you're a little kid with you parents), but I don't see anything wrong, so long as we go during the day and don't get any alcohol.

Don't know if I've mentioned my latest project. I'm fixing up the basement, to turn it into a little "apartment" for myself. It'll be nice. Another step on the road to independence. Once I'm down there, I'm going to start buying my own groceries, instead of paying 1/4 of Gaetane's shopping. I think that'll be better... since I don't even EAT half the things Gaetane buys. I'll also hook up a crockpot, micrwowave, and hotplate down there... do my own cooking. It'll be nice. I'll really learn how to provide for myself. It's exciting! When I told Ma about it last night though, she got worried. She thought maybe I wasn't getting along with Sean and Gaetane.

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 18:44:55 GMT

Due to extenuating circumstances, I wasn't able to post this yesterday:

Remember remember the 5th of November
The gunpowder treason and plot
I know of no reason
why the gunpowder treason
should ever be forgot.

HAPPY GUY FAWKES DAY!

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 18:46:26 GMT

Okay, so here's the plan for the next few days (I need a schedule and a list, so that I can think things through and do it all in the most effective way):

Today: I'll update this blog, and read over my classmates' blogs (leaving comments whenever I feel motivated to do so). Finesh drinking my chai. Then I'll get dressed properly, and walk to the library. Work on my massive homewok load (it's my own fault, for procrastinating), and return a couple of books. I'll stay until I either a) get my homework done or b) it starts getting dark. Then I'll watch/listen to election coverage (finally turned in my mail-in ballot yesterday. It's so awesome that I get to vote!!!), do some free reading (or work on my graphic story), and go to bed.

Wedneday: Take a shower if I don't do so tonight. Class. I need to get my student ID, I want it so I can go to museums and things without spending a ton of money. Maybe I'll go to the library again after class, and get more homework done.

Thursday: My eldest sister-in-law will be in town. I'm on call at work from 1:30-5:00, and then scheduled from 5:00-9:30. If I don't have to work the on call, I'm going out to lunch with my sisters-in-law and niece until 3. Then we'll come home to put the little one down, and I'll walk to work at 4:15. I'll probably just read a bit and go to bed when I get home.

Friday: So far, not a whole lot of plans for Friday. Right now it looks like it'll be homework and then work from 5-10. Maybe I'll paint the laundry room

Saturday: On call 3-5, scheduled 5-10. So... that'll eat up most of the day, because I never want to do high-energy activities when I know I'll be working late.

And... that's the week. I don't know yet if I'm working Sunday. If have the morning off, I'll go to church. Otherwise it's work. Maybe I'll go to a museum or something. We'll see how it works out.

Well, that entry was pointless and boring, but it's good because now I know how the week will pan out. This morning I woke up at 7:30 and did some reading for Gender class. Now... now I have to go. It's time to REALLY start the day!

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 21:16:33 GMT

Yeah, so I'm totally supposed to be blogging about my ideas for the latest essay assignment, and I totally don't feel like it. So I'll just day that I'm thinking of writing about how TS2 is such an addictive computer game.
No I'll blabber on and on and on.
I'm also thinking about my homework load and wondering how I'll get through it all. I'm closing almost every night this week, and my eldest sister-in-law is coming into town. You know, the one I haven't seen since Thanksgiving? So... yeah. She'll be around on Thursday and Friday, when I'm working. I have 3 papers and a test to do within the next two weeks... along with a couple of reading assignments (one huge, one moderate). Then I STILL haven't been able to get the damn laundry room painted!
Life's busy, and it shows no sign of slowing down.
Sunday was church, it was cool. I'm thinking of going to the YA service though, instead of the main one. It's geared toward my age group, and is held at a decent hour (10:30-11:30... rather than the 10:00 and the 12:00 regular services, which always seem to be either inconvieniently late or early). Then I did a HUGE load of dishes, and chatted with friends from Iowa. That was good, I haven't talked to them for a long time.

Here is a shortened version of my news (So instead of reading through another of my "novels" Victoria, you can just look at this list):

Tonight is work5-10 , and then homework, and then bed.
No further progress on the graphic story.
Finished Anansi Boys, now working on Terry Pratchett's Moving Pictures, and The Last Empress, by Anchee Min
No progress on Obama's book The Audacity of Hope
Halloween was spent with a two-year-old
Erin is coming into town later this week
I have a LOT of homework and work work to do over the next couple of days
I don't know what I'll do if this election doesn't turn out well
My brother's lectured me twice in the last two days. One of the times I cried, because it's been that time of the month. He's just stressed about the economy, and doesn't know how to deal with it.
My niece has started copying me lately. She talks about going to "school" and "work" all the time. Sometimes she even dresses up for it.

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 00:48:30 GMT

I've been so busy lately, it's a little ridiculous. It's how things should be though. Today was a little easier. Daylight Savings gave me a bit of a morning. Sean and Gaetane had to go get their other car, so I watched Basilia for a while. I got her dressed for the day, and we went to the park. It was fun. Then as a family we went out for brunch. I was surprised when Sean and Gaetane started saying that I should make a habit out of it... after the teasing I got last week. They would have dropped me off on the way home, but I wanted to get my purse and walk. I did so. Then it was back home, school work, dishes, and here I am. Talking to corpe. So... yeah.

I've got some new books. A Terry Pratchett (Making Movies), the other is the sequal to Empress Orchid by Anchee Min.

Today Basilia has been talking about "work" a lot lately. "Bae goin' work," she says, "Gonna make some money!"

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 16:29:16 GMT

Today... Sean and Gaetane just got home. They're going to sleep for a while. I'm going to take Basilia to the park in a couple of minutes. After the park, I'll feed her and read to her a bit. I have to leave for work around 1:00, and drop off my ballot on the way. I need to fix a dinner to bring along. Then I'll work 2-10.

Writer's Block: Costumes

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 05:18:27 GMT

We have to ask: What are you going to be for Halloween this year? And can we see a picture?

View 500 Answers

I didn't feel like dressing up, so I didn't. Maybe another day... or next year. I'm thinking of rocking an awesome Thanksgiving costume... if there's going to be a family gathering.
My other sister-in-law is going to be in Denver next week I think... I like her. Well, I love her. But I like her too. I sort of wish my brother were coming with her... even though we have our issues.

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 05:12:02 GMT

It’s been a really busy week. Every day has been work or school or watching Basilia or both. Yesterday I worked 8.5 hours, and walked about 2 miles (the walking bit is my own fault, for not learning how to drive at 16 like a normal person. Nevertheless, it was exhausting). Today I spent 6 or 7 hours hot gluing fake leaves to my brother’s Halloween costume. He’s… father nature or something. I would have told him to do it himself, if he weren’t so stressed about work lately. Car salesman is not the best career during times of economic hardship. Especially not luxury cars.

After all the time gluing leaves, I babysat Basilia. Sean and Gaetane went to a concert of some sort. I dressed Basilia up as the cat in the hat (she had an old kitty costume, and a proper hat. I mixed and matched), and took her trick or treating around the block. She had a lot of fun, and was really good about holding onto my hand (I think I lost circulation to one of my fingers). After a while, we seemed to be following some sort of script. Here’s how it went (keep in mind, the little one just turned two on the 9^th):

Me: Wasn’t it nice of those people to give you candy? They didn’t have to do that, you know.

Bae: Yeah! Really nice!

Me: Now, what do you do when we get to the next house?

Bae: Ding dong! Tricker treat! Pretty costume! Thank you!

Me: Good job! And you’re doing such a good job walking down the street! You’re such a smart girl, you know that?

Bae: Yeah! Bae really smart!

Me: Are you having fun?

Bae: YEAH!

We went around the block and came home, mostly because I didn’t feel like letting her get tired half way and then having to carry her home in a costume. Sean was off work then, he and his friend were getting ready for the concert. His friend had to borrow a suit, because he was dressing up as John McCain. They were lamenting their inability to find a flag pin in time. The friend said they should stop at a gas station on the way, and he’d find one there.

As soon as Sean was out the door, Basilia turned into a brat. She screamed for candy, even though I’d been telling her all night how we’d go trick or treating, and then eat dinner, and then she could have a piece of candy (it’s usually easier to get kids to do things when they know how things are going to happen ahead of time). As soon as she calmed down, I told her that if she screamed again she’d have to have a little time out in her room until dinner was ready (I was in the process of making it at the time). She decided to test me. I put her in her crib, closed her bedroom door, and finished making dinner. It was her first real time out (though Gaetane’s been planning to start doing them for misbehavior recently). It lasted about 2 minutes, which is one minute per year of age. That was the guideline at all the daycares I’ve worked at. Afterwards I explained to her again why she’d been put there, gave her a hug, and gave her dinner. She was mostly good for the rest of the night.

I let her watch a movie for a little bit (A bunch of Eric Carle books put into animation. I don’t usually like letting kids I babysit watch TV, but it was only about 30 minutes. It was full of soft music and gentle voices. I thought it’d be good before bed), then I changed her diaper and gave her a bath. We actually did quite a lot of playing for bath time, and sang silly songs. She whined a bit about putting on jammies. “Bae wanna walk around a little bit,” she said. I told her that she wasn’t going to bed yet. We were going to read books first. I read her Puff the Magic Dragon, and something about a daddy bear looking for his baby. Then we said goodnight to all the rooms in the house, and I put her to bed. I left another book in the crib with her, and she sleeps with a little lamp on in her room. She can look at the book for a bit, and maybe hang out in her crib for a while tomorrow morning and look at the thing.

Overall, I was satisfied with how the evening went. Though she didn’t get to bed until 9:45 (Gaetane doesn’t like her up past 9:30). I was the one to put Bae down for her nap. It did not go well. Nobody else was home at the time (1:00 or so), and she still hasn’t learned that she can’t scream at me to get her way. I fed her lunch, changed her diaper, and put her down. She screamed for 1½ hours, mostly because I made the mistake of checking to make sure she was okay after the first ½ hour (she screamed even louder and angrier for 10 minutes after that). She finally fell asleep around 2:30, and then I let her sleep until 5 or so.

Work… work is slow, but I still had a pretty productive time yesterday. Cleaned the window display, scrubbed out the microwave, processed packages, tidied, deep-cleaned the back area of the store, threw away tons of expired and rotting food from the staff refrigerator, helped a woman pick out 8 pairs of legging and socks for her granddaughter, and cheerfully attempted to turn a grandmother to be into a loyal customer. Customer service isn’t difficult; you just have to be yourself… but a little more polite…

Then I’m closing tomorrow night. 2-10 PM. Sunday I’m on call 2-7, which is also closing. I work 5 days this coming week. Tomorrow I also have to iron my slacks, re blacken my shoes, and all that.

                Other news… it turns out some of the books my brother was using to weigh down the dashboard of his car might actually be valuable. Gaetane’s mom brought them in, with an air of polite aggravation. I’ve been looking through them. They’re a bunch of early edition paperbacks of now-famous authors. There are several books of poetry. One of them is a bunch of Allen Ginsburg’s early stuff. Then there’s a Michael Moorcock book called The Time Dweller (I’ve been meaning to read him since I found out he influenced a couple of my favorite authors… though I’m not sure how “good” his work is. Haven’t read anything yet), and a decent copy of The Hunchback of Notre Dame (which I’ve wanted to read ever since the Disney version came out and my mother explained to me in a calm, careful voice that no, the movie was not like the book. I vaguely remember being shown an old black-and white movie version, and being extremely frightened). There is an incredible collection of books in the basement. Thanks to my sister-in-law’s deceased bibliophile father.

                And… and I finally managed to work on my graphic story again. It’s a retelling of the Persian fairy tale called The Melon Child. I drew, inked, and colored the entire first page a couple of nights ago. It was while listening to Anansi Boys on tape (yes, Melanie, I’ve read it at least 4 times… but it’s AMAZING on tape. Up until now, I’ve pictured Neil Gaiman’s Anansi as… well, as Paul Simon. So yeah. I was picturing an elderly trickster spider-god from the Caribbean as looking like an elderly Jewish man of Eastern European descent. Fantastic. It doesn’t get much worse than that. But in my defense, they’re both really short!)

                I don’t feel like saying anything else now. I feel like going to bed. So… that’s life for tonight. And that’s Halloween… I’ll probably borrow Sean’s Halloween costume for earth day. Wear it to school or something. :)

Right now this is my mood:

Writer's Block: Cryptozoology

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 21:21:29 GMT

Bigfoot, the Yeti, the Loch Ness Monster, el chupacabra—what is your favorite creature that may or may not exist?

View 501 Answers

I am absolutely obsessed with DRAGONS! They're just so cool... All scaly and serpentine. In middle school I would draw them cnstantly, and it was fun...

Right now... I went to the library, finally. Did NOT find a decent book on tape though. It's not easy to find an audiobook when you don't know what you want. I did get The Audacity of Hope, Jingo by Terry Pratchett, and Stardust by Neil Gaiman. My brother and niece came along. Sean got some books on alternative energy, because he's thinking of going into a career with that (Sean's one of those people who can't stand to sit in a classroom, but can teach himself almost anything if you give him some time and an armful of books)

I started reading Jingo. It's about an island appearing between two countries (city-states really, I guess...) that have been at peace for 100 years... Klatch and Ankh Morpork. Both countries want the island, so they're preparing to go to war over it. The book stars Commander Sam Vimes of the Ankh Morpork City Watch. So far, he's dealing with racist chanting in the streets (Klatch is a lot like the Middle-East... and Ankh Morpork is a lot like England or the US). Soon the youngest prince of Klatch will come to Ankh Morpork to negotiate, and Vimes has to make sure that he's safe.

Now... now it's raining outside, I'm talking to my friend Victoria online. I haven't seen her for a while, she's in Argentina.

Writer's Block: Secret Crush

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 15:34:08 GMT

Everyone knows having a crush at the office or in class can make the time pass a little bit quicker. Is it better to keep your crush a secret or tell them how you feel?

View 501 Answers

I think it depends on how well you know the person. If they're one of your good friends, you owe it to them. They should be able to know how you feel. If they're NOT soemone you know very well, then it doesn't really matter...
I've actually TOLD one guy how I felt... it didn't work out though. Neither of us were assertive enough to take over the relationship, and we ended up seeing other people... now he's like one of my brothers. I know that he's attractive and I respect and love him dearly, but the idea of DATING the guy... well like I said, it would be like dating one of my brothers. Eww...
I'm glad I told him though, it allowed us to be better friends. Since we were able to talk about that, we can talk about ANYTHING, and good conversation is IMPORTANT. :)

Writer's Block: Forbidden Reading

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 02:43:45 GMT

From Judy Blume to V.C. Andrews, there's always a book circulating among teens that their parents don't want them to read. What favorite book did you have to hide from your parents?

View 503 Answers

I guess I was lucky... I never had to hide books from my parents. They don't believe in banning books, even from their own children. I didn’t really start liking reading on my own until the third grade, that was when I could sound out the bigger words. My father was really happy about it. He and I would sit together in the living room for hours, engrossed in our own books. Dad would always ask me what I reading. Not because he disapproved of anything, but because he was genuinely interested. In 4^th grade I told him I liked C.S. Lewis and Madeleine L’Engle.

“Ooh, Christian authors,” he said, and gave me a little smile.

For about four years, my father tried to push The Hobbit on me. When I finally read it, I loved it. Of course. When I was in middle school, he tried to push me into adult fiction… unfortunately I wasn’t ready for it yet. There’s that stage where you’re reading too well for children’s books, but not emotionally mature enough to handle adult books. That’s where I was. My dad didn’t get that, but he still wanted to know what I read.

Even now, every time I talk to my father he asks, “Read any good books lately?” I tell him all about Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman, David Sedaris, Augusten Burroughs, and all the rest of my favorite authors. He listens. He says, “Terry Pratchett? I’ve never even HEARD of him!” I bite my lip to keep from reminding him that we discussed Terry Pratchett the last time we talked. Then Dad tells me what he’s reading, and recommends 7 or 8 books. I write down the titles, and promise to read them… someday.

My mother… is different. She doesn’t read anymore, because of her eyesight. I tell her about my books… but it’s like she’s listening to me talk about another world, like she’s trying to understand what I’m saying. She assumes that books must be good, if I like them. Sometimes I read her a passage, and she enjoys it… but she won’t let me read too much to her, she says it makes her feel old. Ma also generally knew what I was reading, because she’d find the books lying around the house. I think it’s awkward for her to talk about books with me because that was my father’s arena. Dunno.

Anyway, I never really hid books from my parents. What I read wasn’t a big deal.

Writer's Block: Reconsidering Children's Books

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 05:52:02 GMT

Have you ever gone back and re-read a book you loved as a child only to find it incredibly disturbing now that you're an adult? Like The Giving Tree, for example: a terrifying tale of self-sacrifice or a reassuring story of maternal love?

View 500 Answers

Of course, most of the things I read as a child WERE disturbing. I was reading a LOT of Hans Christian Andersen when I really took off reading by myself. The Little Mermaid = CREEPY. She lets some witch cut her tongue out so that she can go meet her prince, and then she commits suicide because he cheats on her. The Tinderbox = the hero cuts a witch's head off, robs her, and proceeds to marry a princess. The Little Match Girl= need I say more? Then there were all his stories chronicalling the lives of innatimate objects. The Bottle Neck, and The Flax... I think Andersen's stories must have really been affected by his life.

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 05:30:18 GMT

It was a day, and now I need to write. I didn’t sleep well. The night was full of tossing and turning, and a sort of half-sleep that leaves you feeling about the same as when you go down for the night. I climbed out of bed at 9 AM, because there was no point staying longer. I’d tried to sleep in to catch up, but it didn’t work.

I hung out with Basilia, and helped Gaetane put together a table and chairs (from Target) for her. I worked on my graphic novel. I have the entire first page sketched out on big paper (the thing is going to be oversized, I think… because it’s easier to draw that way), and started painting bits of it with watercolors. It’s not too great yet, but it’ll be nice once it’s inked out and everything. And after I cut out the panels and put them on a big page of doodles.

I read some more. The second reading of Small Gods absolutely proves that Terry Pratchett is bloody brilliant. In the novel, he introduces the theory that gods are created by belief, instead of the other way around. He displays this theory in the form of a fantasy novel, of course. In the novel: There’s a giant theocracy ruled by a religion called Omnism, and the god Om (Get it? Om? Omniscient?). But the thing is, the religion is too big. Instead of being ruled by belief, it’s ruled by the Inquisition and the traditions and ceremonies of the Church. So the Great God Om wakes up one morning to find that he’s a tortoise and has only ONE true believer, who will have to serve as the next prophet of Omnism. The believer’s name is Brutha, and he isn’t bright.

Honestly, it’s an absolutely amazing book. I first read it as a freshman in high school, but it mostly went over my head then. This time around it’s thought provoking and FUNNY. If you’re not easily offended, Small Gods is a great read. There are certainly a lot of people who are upset (or would be upset) by Small Gods . Omnism is obviously a parody of a certain influential religion in our world. Overall, I highly recommend the novel.

Now as for the Persian Fairy Tale book, the stories are absolutely fascinating. The Melon Child was bizarre of course, and now I’m reading a story called “The Stupid Wife”. So far the wife has tried to sweep the courtyard with a rake, and thought the goats were laughing at her. It’s… a little odd.

I’ll be going to the library later this week to return some stuff, so there will be new things to read. I think I want to get a book on tape. It sucks only getting to listen to those when nobody’s home, but it’s nice to be able to have a book AND get things done. I want to play it while I paint, so that I don’t ruin the Paul Simon CDs by listening to them too much. I also want a novel or something as light before-bed reading. Any recommendations would be rejoiced. I love satire, fantasy, sci-fi, folklore, historical fiction, and fiction with interesting family dynamics.

There’s also a book about genetics that would be nice to find. I started it a few years ago, but it was too scientific, so I returned it. Can’t remember what it was called, but it was by some geneticists that proved that all of the people in the world of European descent came from one of 4 women. I think they also attempted to discuss the lifestyles led by these women. I thought it sounded cool, though It would be nice to read similar research done about people from all of the continents.

I went to work today. It was fun… and you wouldn’t BELIEVE the gross things people leave behind at a children’s clothing store. Today I found 6 wads of gum on the floor, a chewed-up drinking straw, a gnawed-on lollipop stick, and half a bottle of Gatorade. This was on top of the usual collection of dust bunnies, glitter, scuff marks, and wadded up clothing. J Good times, good times.

Ooh, one more thing… This probably belongs someplace with the paragraph about Small Gods, but I really don’t feel like moving paragraphs around… so here goes: One bit I read today talked about miracles, and I’ve noticed this theme sprinkled in a lot of Pratchett’s books. It talks about how as human beings, we see miracles constantly. We see the sun rise every morning, and go down every night. We hear birds sing, and see flowers open. Every day millions of creatures getting on with their lives, and yet somehow we’re able to be bored by all of it. We’re able to see every single part of the universe change from second to second, and think nothing of it. In fact, we seek out “miracles” as if none of the other things count. It really is amazing.

Okay, I’ll try to post this and yesterday’s entry now… they probably won’t go toward my Comp grade… but I just needed to write, and let it be seen. You know that feeling? Sometimes writing is meant to be read, instead of hidden away in a notebook somewhere. Enough. I will post this, and be off to bed.

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 05:27:55 GMT

All rejoice! Hanna is actually working on an art project! That’s right, I’ve spent the past 6 hours drawing up a rough draft for my NEW GRAPHIC NOVEL project. Okay, technically it’s for a class… but as the entire final thing won’t be done any time soon (I’ll hand in my script and maybe an entire finished page), it counts as my OWN project.

It all started with that book of Persian fairy tales I found in the basement. When I showed it to Gaetane she said, “Use it for your gender class!” Then I started thinking about the negative views a lot of people in the US have about Middle Eastern societies and Islam. I knew I wanted to use a graphic novel format to represent the gender inequalities in fairytales and folklore (and because then I could essentially get graded for reading cool old stories), but I didn’t want to play out the same old stereotypes. I also REALLY didn’t feel like drawing out a mainstream European fairy tale, because I’m sick of those (the daycare children ALWAYS wanted to hear Cinderella, Rapunzel, Sleeping Beauty, and Beauty and the Beast. I refused to tell The Little Mermaid, on principle).

So I decided to take an old Persian story (The Melon Child), and turn it around a little bit. I changed the gender of every single character, and it was FUN! Actually, it wasn’t until I did that that I realized how truly creepy the story is. In the version I read:

A girl lives inside a melon. She’s adopted by an old woman, and eventually sent to school. A prince sees her when she comes out of the melon to eat some grapes. He becomes infatuated with her, and decides that she MUST become his wife. So he sneaks up on her one day, and forces a ring onto her finger. It’s too big for her ring finger, but it fits her middle finger perfectly. Then he takes the ring and runs away to his mother. He begs his mother to help him, since the only girl he can marry can only wear the ring on her middle finger. So his mother sends servants out to get all the girls in the area to try the ring on their middle fingers. The servants come to the melon girl’s house, and they talk to the old woman. The old woman tells them about how she’s raising a melon as her daughter, and they all laugh. Then the melon opens, and out pops the girl’s hand. They put the ring on her middle finger and HURRAH it fits! They take the melon to the prince, and he marries the girl inside. They all live happily ever after, until the girl almost gets eaten by a tiger… but she makes it out of that scrape, and they all laugh about it.

I dunno… maybe some people won’t find it so creepy. It’s just that the wedding ring on the middle finger reminds me of my own dear mother (I say this COMPLETELY without sarcasm). J

Writer's Block: Comedians as Journalists

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 22:28:52 GMT

Distrust of the media has grown to the point where many people only trust the news if it comes from a comedian. Who do you trust more: Stephen Colbert or Jon Stewart?

View 500 Answers

I trust Jon Stewart, because he seems to act like... himself. He's also very upfront and honest about his real views as he pokes fun at the media. Colbert's awesome too though, I trust BOTH of them a lot more than Fox News.

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 22:19:06 GMT

After writing my last entry I started reading about Camus and Kafka. I haven’t really studied them much since high school, when the world lit class did a whole unit on existentialist writers. As I read, I found an interpretation of the Myth of Sisyphus that was really interesting. Then I got side-tracked AGAIN, and started reading about Fyodor Dostoevsky. I knew the name, because he was the writer my parents and their friends were all reading in the 90’s (They like to tell a story about me picking up and reading Notes From Underground when I was eight, because I thought the title was cool), but I didn’t know much else. I didn’t know that he was almost executed before being sent to a prison camp in Siberia (for being a part of some liberal underground group), or that he became a Christian later in life.

When I was done reading, I turned on NPR and made Mac & Cheese with tuna and peas. It tasted pretty good. Then I brought the painting supplies up from the basement and set them up. I finally finished priming the laundry room, at this rate it’ll be forever before I’m done with all the painting. Sean came home for lunch when I was halfway through. He was excited about the work I was doing. We talked about painting, and then politics, genealogy, and religion. It was nice, being able to just hang out with my brother and talk. We don’t do that enough. He had a good time too. He actually hung out instead of going to the garage and practicing his instruments.

As soon as I was done painting, I cleaned everything up, and explored the basement for a while. The basement is SO cool. There’s tons of old furniture from Gaetane’s dad, and HUNDREDS of books. I LOVE old books… the smell, the feeling you get when you hold them, knowing that the words have been read by lots of other people… there’s just something magical about old books. Today I found one full of Persian fairy tales, and I took it upstairs with me. It should be REALLY interesting. I love folk tales, and my mother and brothers lived in Iran for a time.

Ma’s always telling stories about how beautiful Iran is. She really fell in love with the country when she was there. I think that she’d like to go back, if she had the money and the government was more liberal. Maybe if I read fairytales and things, I’ll have a better understanding of what she means when she talks about the beauty of the culture and its people.

Hmm… the first story in the book is called “The Twelve Branched Candlestick”

Dad...

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 18:44:42 GMT

My father is like Gregor Samsa, or Meursault. He’s an empty shell, going through the motions of life. As a child I watched his soul slowly leak out of him, like air from a balloon. Eventually there was nothing left but bitterness and alcohol. Sometimes I miss my father, or the man he used to be. I miss being a little girl, running between his legs and looking up into his smiling face. I miss seeing the love and the passion he once had.

Sometimes I’m angry with my dad, because he couldn’t love my brothers (his step-sons)… and he wouldn’t even try. Eventually he couldn’t even love my mother. It bothers me that he dug himself so deeply into depression… and that he doesn’t know how to get out of it. He’s a grown man; he should be able to do these things. He should know how to stop wallowing in shame and depression, and see how beautiful life is!

I do forgive my father though, for the most part. I feel sorry for him too, he doesn’t really have the tools to be a happy person. I wish he’d let me into his life though. Maybe we could be friends, exchange letters or something (Dad doesn’t believe in computers). It would be nice to be able to meet up with him whenever I’m back in Iowa.

As it is, it’ll be 4 years this March since I last saw my father. It’s been 5 months since I spoke to him on the phone. I don’t have his number, and he doesn’t have mine. I think he’s homeless right now, but he has probably friends to give him a place to sleep for a night or two at a time. Once I’m independent, I think I’ll track him down and see if he wants to move out here with me. Doubt he’ll take up the offer though. Sean tried to do the same for him 7 or 8 years ago, he said no. And then there’d be the chance of him having to see Ma at family functions. Oh the fighting!

Other than occasional father issues though, life is good! Once I’ve posted this, I’m going to eat lunch and do some painting. Maybe go for a walk afterwards, it’s SUCH a nice day. :)